are you lost?
I'm the antithesis of clever and also nocturnal.
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I love how porn websites have nary a clue how to appeal to women.
It’s nice when they try, albeit with little success.
Like they’ll say shit like “Our site will get your pussy wet!”
Sir my vagina will always be essentially wet. It’s called discharge. Kinda like how puppy noses are wet. Isn’t that adorable? I think so.
How about “Do you have dreams of being a slip n’ slide?” “Want to have your neighborhood legally classified as a flood plain?” “Want to roll your hips, not your eyes?”
“Then this is the site for you!”
Shit why am I not making porn.
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I’m gonna get drunk and then write.
Lets see how this goes.
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this one -
when girls say they’ve never watched porn
Because these ‘girls’ are decent. They don’t watch this shit which objectifies women and celebrates sexism. Nobody in their right mind would enjoy watching the distortion of sexuality and immorality. ‘Girls’ saying they’ve never watched porn isn’t what’s bullshit here. Porn is bullshit.
who said it was straight porn
One: not all porn is bullshit. Google “feminist porn”. It exists and it’s delightful.
Two: it is entirely feasible girls haven’t watched porn because it’s kind of like watching someone much smarter that you take a test you don’t think you’ll ever be prepared for. Watching is just screams “YOU’LL NEVER BE THIS PRETTY OR CAPABLE WHILE HAVING SEX YOU COW”. Also women almost never orgasm during typical pornography. So like, what the fuck is the point of watching that.
Three: “lesbian” porn in the mainstream is just as bad. Any video in which a woman with some long ass painted nails and heels goes to finger another woman with long ass nails and heels isn’t what lesbian sex is like and it makes me laugh.
Four: don’t be a jerk yo. Before you question the legitimacy of anything anyone might say ask yourself why they might do it. Like, ask yourself why girls may not like porn. It doesn’t serve you or the ladies well when you assume they’re bullshitting you automatically.
Five: I like your gif.
(Source: moriarty)
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I would lay you down, strip you of all your clothing and marvel at your beauty. I'd touch and lick and suck at every inch of you until you were in pieces in my hands. Then I'd do it all over again and again. I'd lick your clit until it pulsated bright and red and until you were screaming. Then I'd massage you to sleep and then we'd do it all over again.
Asked by Anonymous
This was so hot I had to illustrate it.
Shit someone call that 50 Shades of Grey lady we’ve got a fuckin classic on our hands.
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I hit my post limit today for the first time ever.
I feel like I’ve lost my Tumblr virginity.
And where once laid a seemingly endless expanse of constantly circulating awesomeness and funtimes there now is only frustration and impatience.
This is actually almost exactly like sex.
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Alone and up for porn:
None, never was any, what is that even?
With friends and hoping your dash will behave:
ALL THE PORN IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE
TITS
TITS EVERYWHERE
PENISES
IT’S RAININ’ DICKS UP IN HERE
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Audio post reblogged from whaoAnonThis track has had 125,274 plays
70s music was so much better and deeper than todays music i hate my generation :-(
I’M SCRUEMAING
IM LAUGHING SO HARD NO NOISE IS COMING OUT
OH MY GOD
this fuckin rules
WHY ISN’T THIS THE MOST POPULAR SONG IN ALL OF KNOWN HISTORY
WHY ISN’T THIS OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM
WHY ISN’T THIS ALL NATIONAL ANTHEMS
WHY ISN’T THIS ALL SONGS EVER
WHY ISN’T THIS WHAT WE TRANSMIT TO ALIENS TO REPRESENT AS A WHOLE
WHY ISN’T THIS CONSTANTLY PLAYING IN MY HEAD
WHY ISN’T THIS EVERYTHING
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mom: “what are you doing?”
me: “I’m on tumblr.”
mom: “the feminist cat website?”the feminist cat website.
the feminist cat website
the feminist cat website
the feminist cat website
THE FEMINIST CAT WEBSITE
Welcome to Tumblr.
We hate dicks and love pussys.
(Source: aloofshahbanou)
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Okay so I was walking through the store when suddenly! Pasta salad!
No like that’s what this product is called. Suddenly pasta salad. SUDDENLY PASTA SALAD. And like I understand that it’s a box of stuff that you add to pasta and suddenly it’s pasta salad. Okay cool, sounds pretty useful to me. But god that suddenly in the name. It just makes it sound so… sudden. You know? like you pull back the shower curtain and pasta salad!!!! You look in the mirror and what’s that behind you? It’s pasta salad. you hear a strange noise and pasta salad. you turn the corner and pasta salad. SUDDENLY PASTA SALAD. JUST OUT OF NOWHERE. ALL OF A SUDDEN. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT. IT’S PASTA SALAD. Whatever happened here it happened suddenly, nobody had time to get out of the way, they say as they survey the pasta salad covered scene.
Like okay here’s a play along at home game, put on your best movie trailer voice and say “it was a quiet town… a peaceful town… when suddenly, pasta salad!” Or even just use your regular voice, unless your movie trailer voice is your regular voice, I don’t know your life, to say pretty much any sentence that would have suddenly in it but then after suddenly you say pasta salad. Then say another one. There you go, I just gave you enough jokes to sustain yourself maybe for the rest of your life.
Laughing so hard tears oh my fucking god
YES
READ THIS
DON’T PULL THAT TL;DR SHIT ON ME
READ IT
love it
