So in today’s update we learned that our favorite chess people apparently have vehicles and awful parking habits. Jesus look at the price of that ticket. Where did you park?! In the Batterwitch’s ass? (Yeah we’d all like to park it in her ass)
We saw Jake passed out on some awfully ominous dark grey floor that doesn’t look like jungle or his house at all. I’m really thinking our favorite foxy antagonist has snatched him up. I would entertain the thought that Dirk pulled some time shenanigans, but he’s currently getting attacked which brings me to my next point.
HOLY FUCK DIRK BBY NO. NO NO NO NO BBY NO!!! NOOOOO!!! THROW SMUPPETS AT THEM! SOMETHING! OH GOD NOOOOO! I DON’T EVEN! HELP! NO! NO! LOOK BEHIND YOU! NOOOO! SWIM! SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Also Roxy, RUN BITCH RUN. Dirk should take a hint from her and HAUL THAT SWEET PLUSH ASS TO SAFETY! Roxy.. bby… Oh god if you don’t survive I’ll become an alcoholic in testament to you. *wonk sob wonk*
i feel sick with heartbreak over this
too many feelings
This is why I can’t ship JohnDave
There’s simply too many Daves, and they all need love.
I run into a similar issue when shipping DirkJake, since Dirk has so many splintered selves.
But the Englishes/Harleys are adept at dealing with powerful and many formed entities (Bec for example) So I figure they can handle the Striders quite nicely.
So my ships are as follows:
And all other ships are ever evolving and hardly constant.
I have never seen so many bothered boobies.
I ship DirkJake too. And I’m not flipping my shit. My shit is just sitting in the pan, getting nice and browner on one side. I’m not flipping it yet.
But for so many other DirkJake shippers, their shit has gone and flipped it’s way onto the ceiling. It’s gunna drip down one day and hit you guys in the face, I just know it.
So let’s go over why every one’s shit shouldn’t be flipped
Have you ever had a little crush on more than one person at once? Yes you have unless you’re really obsessive. (But if you flip all your shit over one ship then yeah.. this might be beyond your understanding) People are capable of appreciating more than one person at once in different ways. Jake likes Dirk in a more intimate “I dream of you giving me boners and being a jealous meddly meddler” sort of way and likes Aranea in more of a “she applies to all my fetishes” way.
So he likes Dirk more romantically and perhaps lusts after him a little (BOOOONERS~!) and is pretty much just lusting after Aranea.
2. The ship is not sunk
I don’t see how Jake getting flustered around a very pretty lady sinks this ship. It’s not like he’s dream banging her this very second. And I’m sure Dirk is going to do something obnoxious pretty soon.
So I hope that’s calmed everyone’s tits down. My tits sure are calm. Damn I got some calm tits.
It might very well be one of my absolute favorite fanfics of all time—ever—as well.
It is so beautiful I am literally in tears right now guys you don’t understand.
Seriously followers, this is so absurdly beautiful. Legitimately fucking beautiful. It’s one of the few fanfics I’ve read that stands apart from the original completely. This story is amazing all on it’s own. I suggest everyone, regardless if they read Homestuck or not, to read this. You will not regret it.
Here’s a visual summary of the update guys.
Aranea is eons old guys. She’s seen it all. All the all.
Also, OMFG DIRK BBY U SO TERRITORIAL
He’s so jealous. I don’t even
But that plush rump, how can he possibly resist?!
This ship is perhaps the smoothest sailing ship in the whole Homestuck fleet.
I blame classyapplebees for this horrendous creation.
THERE HAS NEVER IN ONE COMIC/SONG DUO EXISTED MORE PERFECTION
“Dirk has been trying to find a way to travel to Jake’s island for a few years now, and he’s finally found a stupidly obvious solution: make his goddamn sendificator bigger. It’s taken time to scavange the appropriate parts, but he’s managed to complete it just in time for Jake’s…
NNO NO NO NO NO OMREGIOOTR
*frantic arm waving*
NO NO NO
ROXY PUMPKINS ARE YOU FIELD OF EXPERTISE
YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS
YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIIIIIIIS!
holy crap dirk
I’m pretty positive Lil’ Cal is more than just a puppet man.
I mean.. he raised Dirk… Babies can’t survive on their own, how ever fast they are.
So I figure Lil’ Cal is like… I dunno.
Hussie will probably tell us later. Maybe it has something to do with time shenanigans.
After he kills everyone of course.
On a semi related note, assuming that for the most part Dirk is moving Cal.. isn’t that kind of.. tragic?
I mean… his best friend is literally a puppet which he for the most part controls.
How much disbelief do you have to suspend to think of a puppet that is mostly a reflection of your own actions and personality as a friend, and depend on that person/puppet/creepy as fuck parentish figure emotionally on top of that?
Jake. Go hug your boyfriend this instant. He needs some people love.