are you lost?
I'm the antithesis of clever and also nocturnal.
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Yeah so I get really freaked out when I see these posts about guys and gals alike talking about how awesome freaking enormous dicks are
Like they’re like “Oh he’s like 8 inches it was so hard getting him to fit”
OMFG NO OW
“I had to have a surgery to replace my vagina with a fucking landing strip surprise motherfucker his dick is a plane.”
And then sometimes they’re all coy about it like give me a fucking comparison here. Are we talking a cucumber? Banana? Boa constrictor? Washington monument? Fucking Jupiter?
Is your vagina literally under siege by the planet fucking Jupiter?
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There is nothing as perilous to my sanity as nipple itch.
What did I do to deserve this
Was it the orphanages?
It was the orphanages.
- what did I do to deserve this
- was it the orphanages?
- it was the orphanages
- fun fact: there are no orphanages
- for me to do vague nasty things to
- not homestuck
- turtles wearing tophats
- classy ass reptilians
- yo diggity dog yo
- funny
- lol
- dicks yup
- textual message
- dicks
- nipple
- nipple itch
- insanity
- mental instability caused by mammary glands
- who's up in that tag
- huh
- cocaine
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You know when you think of something hilarious and then forget it before you can write it down?
Tumblr gives me mixed feelings about that. Because part of me is like “DAMN the notes I could have had!”
And then another part of me is like “Oh god, the notes I could have had.”
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Post reblogged from THEY SEE ME TROLLIN'
terms for penis you should not use in fics:
- love stick
- doinker
- schlong
- wankie
- ding dong
- 100% all-beef thermometer
- bologna pony
- stinky pickle
- magic wand
- divine rod
- love muscle
- power drill
- captain winky
- yogurt slinger
If you use one you’ve got to use all of them
Challenge accepted.
that RoseKanaya fic I endeavor to EVENTUALLY write
I’ll use every single one
“But Shelby that’s a lesbian ship!”
AND IT WILL SAIL ON SEAS OF DICKS
(Source: shawtycon)
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Didn’t anyone ever tell you to pick your meat up off the floor.
No?
Well nobody ever told me not to make slong jokes as a result of your floor meat.
Too bad I can’t think of any.
Wait what if raw meat somehow has to do with the cherub mating pro-
Stop Shelby
Don’t be that fan
Just wait for the good meat jokes to come
Don’t force it
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- January:
- 22: szisz22
- 26: personal-raptor-jesus; still-has-trust-issues
- 31: psychopathicexplosions
- February:
- 6: ihaveplentyofoutlets
- 17: theitaliansniper
- 21: spazfaec
- March:
- 8: steampoweredgrant
- 31: toast-a-saurus
- April:
- 3rd: indieminnie the overly correct douchbag
- May:
- 17: justthinkingwithportals
- June:
- 1: talentedmischiefmaker, rhulaurious
- 4: Ali-Ami-Umi
- 8: breda-the-rook
- 18: i-drive-the-impala
- 24: meet-me-on-the-equinox
- July:
- 5: greedling-x
- 19: asksylar
- 21: the-talking-bird
- 23: twosexylittledevils
- 28: bassy-thedemon
- August:
- 3: casthefelinerogue
- 13: aquiladafirenze
- 27: wanderlusthousewife
- September:
- 18: manlysparkle
- 19: shinjis9
- 20: screamingthesilence
- 21- slowly-tongued-by-stephen-fry
- October:
- November:
- 23: Middle-ford
- 29: Pockersniper
- December:
- 4: misshollygolightly-traveling
- 23: thesebastianmoran
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mom: “what are you doing?”
me: “I’m on tumblr.”
mom: “the feminist cat website?”the feminist cat website.
the feminist cat website
the feminist cat website
the feminist cat website
THE FEMINIST CAT WEBSITE
Welcome to Tumblr.
We hate dicks and love pussys.
(Source: aloofshahbanou)
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I’m going to dress up as a man for Halloween and pick up chicks.
But I can’t just like… be a man for Halloween.
I need to be a man (in an inconspicuous way) and dress up as something else.
Dirk? Jesus? A rapisty murder fellow? Bunny? Cocaine dealer?
So what should I be?
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Post reblogged from Oh good you found me
I’ve always loved Presidents who knew how to…
CLOWN AROUND
This fucking gif
goddammit go to sleep self
this isn’t okay
it’s neary 2:30
what do you smoke woman?
